The Truth Hurts, So Hit Me With It...

Dying Love

As I sit here out in the cold trying to understand the events of tonight I doze off into the moon’s light.. Attracted by it’s beauty I’ve seem to almost lost a sense of time as my body numbs over from the winter cold her face appears into my mind… Lost and wondering into my thoughts and all of a sudden I can’t feel the pain that I just felt hours before… My fingers tingle… My heart, it aches.. Aches for her touch as the blood pumps through my body bringing back life as I died for a mere second… My body warms… My senses come back… Yet my heart… now seems to beat slower then before…

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Words Left Not Spoken

     Through out life we all tend to keep words left not spoken. For instance have you ever been so angry or upset at some one and you wish to say something yet you won’t? Have you ever wondered why is that? I have.. is it because we are afraid of the outcome of what me might say? Or is it just the fact that we choose not to, only because we give in.. Some times she gets me so angry I can literally say so much. But I don’t simply because I am afraid… Afraid that what I might say in the heat of the moment can hurt her. It’s always shits and giggles until some one giggles and shits right? Well we all have the power to speak our mind, but the greatest power of all is to not speak…but remain silent…

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The Start Of A New Begining

     Months and months on in I have updated my readers on my personal life but especially my love life. It seems like my journey to find love has come to and end. Not because I have gave up but simply because I have finally found it… Up and down, back and forth this journey will set forth a new chapter in my life’s story. I hope you all enjoy…

    Her name is Trang Tran… She has put me to the test and left me hanging from a thin line and to be honest…I have lost her once before…but never again.. I’ve fought long and hard as a failed each and every one of her test not knowing that every mistake I had made has pushed her back more and more. See this is one thing about women…they will not tell you what makes them happy…they just sit back and wait for you to figure it out your self.. and if you don’t? Then tough luck buddy hopefully some other man didn’t find out what you couldn’t ..

     But ever since the night we have got back together I noticed my old joking habits started to crawl back into play…one that really annoys her is how my jokes kick in and the wrong time which escalates into friction. But since my last blog I simply took the time to catch my self to put things back in order. I have to constantly keep my self in check to assure my self that my improvements are here to stay… no matter how comfortable I get… My changes shall remain permanent..

     The thing about her is she is very independent.. One thing I am not used to.. Because through out my life I was told that the man brings home the bread and butter and the women simply does everything else.. Honestly I am very happy that she is strong enough to hold her own… I just wished she understood that I just want to make her life a little easier.. It wasn’t easy for her to transition into our relationship because to her… I was something new.. and definitely something she wasn’t use to but she tried with all her might so I can only respect what she has been through with me.. I won’t speak of much about our break up but I’ll say one thing…to consistently fight to get where I am today is a proud accomplishment.

     Because of this woman, I gave up my life as a drug dealer… I gave up my bad habits, and pretty much forgot my old ways… But please…don’t get this wrong…I changed my ways not for her… I changed my ways to better myself as a man…but it all started with her… Shes proud of the man I become…and I can say it with confidence that she loves the new me… and until then I will no longer write about my journey to find love…because this new journey I’ve set forth will be simply a tale…of a man who not only found it, but lives it…. Goodnight my readers… One life, one love

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Wtf really?!?

Sometimes I wonder… What the fuck do I see in her?… This question seems to push my limits for tonight I found out my true answer.. I always told myself that I love her.. And I want to be with her… But she’s such a total b****. But being the queen bee that she is she seems to want control of every situation… For some reason that turns me on, but tonight the situation was a mere mis-understanding but her being who she is… Thinks she is right when to fair answer is… No body was right… Not me… Not her… Not no one….. So wtf the fuck now?… Oh I know… Ima just do me like I always do and let her win… Fuck it… I love you b**** =)

Silent But Deadly

“What I do requires a certain mindset. I do assignments; designated targets. Some jobs need to look like accidents. Others must cast suspicion on someone else. A select few need to send a clear message. Pulling a trigger is easy. The best jobs are the ones nobody even knows you were there.”

Thoughts at Night

It’s been several months since I have step foot into this journey of happiness with a woman that I greatly love. Up and down, back and forth… Life has taken it’s course yet I am blessed to have what I have with her… Sometimes she hates me… Sometimes misses me, and sometimes she loves me. But that’s all part of a relationship no? See personally I feel that I relationship is a bond between two people… Whether or not the two is officially labeled bf and gf is irrelevant to the matter that the mutual feelings is there in term “relation.” Hard to explain, I can’t describe it any more than Love. Yeah sometimes we might disagree on things or feel differently about each other… But come end of the day… She’s mine… And I’m her’s… There is really nothing more that I can say tonight except for the fact that I miss her and love her… So goodnight tumblr… One life… One love…

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Tell Me It’s Not True

Tonight…. For the first time ever I heard her tell me that “she is lost.. And don’t know what to do… “This txt scared me a little… Well I’ll be honest it scared me a lot… Seems like I’m losing her more and more each day… I used to get long replied answers from her.. Now it’s just like one word.. She doesn’t make time to see me any more and it kills me… I’m not ready to let you go… I miss you… Let me help you find your way back to me again… I love you babe… 05-15-11

Her Bitter Sweet Kisses

It’s been quite a few nights since I last laid with my girlfriend and I am not speaking in a matter of sex but a matter of rest. I miss her touch, miss her ridiculous laugh. I miss the way she stares at me when I piss her off and I miss the way she looks at me, right before we shut our eyes. Maybe I am a little too affectionate. Maybe I just care so much that I want the best for her. With the little time we have together with our busy schedules I should be trying to eliminate aggravating her and saying stupid shit to get her irritated because that will only pro-long the time in which I get to see her. These passed couple of nights has been rough. Even though she is upset, she manages to come around. Smile a little, laugh a little, telling me about her day and so forth.. Even when she’s mad she tries to squeeze in a small hug or maybe a bitter sweet kiss… I miss you… and I love you..

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Behind That Smile

Have you ever felt that all that of you and your loved one is falling right before you? I have and let me tell you that it is one hell of a reality check. It’s been 2 months in and a smile that I once new, is not a smile that I know now. I try and I try and she says I’ll figure it out. And tonight I think I have… Walking a thin line, this is one I can not lose, and I refuse to lose, and I know what exactly needs to be done. As I lie on my couch due to stupidity is giving me time to think about what’s going on and how to make things better. She wasn’t happy with him, and now she isn’t happy with me. Question is, does this girl really mean that much to me… My heart says yes, yet my instincts tell me to protect myself. So where do I start? How do I start? Again, I will figure this out. My goal in this relationship is to create a stable and supportive life for her and I. Although two completely independent people, we both have our differences. Yet we compromise it all in this relationship. Sheltered she tends to hide her emotions as it gets harder and harder for me to see through her. I don’t need to be told what to do, I know what needs to be done. I don’t do things or make changes for temporary comfort, I make them permanent, for example, this is what you want, this is what you get.. Plain and simple. I am a very giving person. One who cares for others before myself. I hope she understands that I’ve implanted my foot into her life and as long as I don’t lose focus, she will always have a reason to smile and I will be the one who makes sure of it.. One life, One love..

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